Mommy's Lonely Night

Well, I actually have some time tonight to sit and blog. Jeremy is off tomorrow and has taken Riley to the mountain. They are staying the night!! I will be so lonely without them. Hercules and I are just going to hang out and do laundry tonight. Riley is getting so big and has grown so much. He weighs 12 pounds already! He goes next week for his 4 month well check and more stinky old shots. I remember the first few days at home and how hectic they seemed. Now there are small things that I will always remember and be a memory. For instance, the smell of Germ-X Lavender....it reminds me of the first few days at home. I felt like I bathed in the stuff. Or how when I'm feeding him at night he is longer and his little legs hang on me instead of being crunched up within my arms. I believe he has finally started to "know" other people, but really likes everyone. He smiles at anyone, but has a preference for women. :) He is so in tune with his schedule that it's unreal. He knows when it's time for bed and absolutely loves being naked now! He just kicks and giggles every time his diaper comes off. I'm not sure if that is a baby thing or a Sharp thing because Jeremy doesn't like wearing a shirt in warm weather. Riley is so sweet. In the evenings we spend as much time together as possible and he just smiles at Mommy and laughs. I can't wait until he can wrap his little arms around me. You always wonder if they know you love them, but I know he does. We aren't just blessed with a happy and good baby. He is that way because we fullfil his needs and then some. He doesn't have to wonder if we love him or are going to take care of him. When I see the trust in his eyes, my heart just flutters. He truly is our everything and was what we were missing in our lives.

I just wanted to upload some photos for you all to see. Today has been pretty rough on me. Riley was a little sick this weekend and his appetite has decreased some. I went to work today because he didn't have a fever. I'm thinking he has some teethies coming in just because of his other symptoms. I just can't stand not knowing what is wrong with him. He doesn't act sick. He continues to smile and go on like normal, but his eating is just in a funk right now. I feel like all the stress of the world is weighing on my shoulders right now. So many decisions and options??? What do I do??? I have serious issues about leaving Riley. I was hoping it would get better, but it is taking a lot longer than I expected. Oh the trying times of being a Mommy.

My Growing Little Man

Gosh, Riley has changed so much. He blows bubbles all day and wants to stick EVERYTHING in his mouth. He prefers his fist right now over teething toys. Just last night, I noticed when I put him to bed how he is filling up the bed. I remember when he was so little and the bed seemed so big for him. Now he fits the bed just perfect! He turns around just about every night in the bed. I can't wait for him to roll from his back to his belly! Jeremy & I were talking about the nights we wondered if he would ever sleep through the night. He only got up once when he did, but it seems like ages ago. Then he blessed us at 8 weeks by starting to sleep through the night. Now when I put him to bed and wake up it's just to kiss him good-bye for the day. I miss him soooo much during the day, but he makes it all go away every afternoon when I get home. He always just smiles at me like "Finally you're home!!!" At this moment, Riley and I are in the floor playing and he is cooing and smiling with so much excitement and energy. My heart is full of so much love that I never could imagine having this much to give to one little person. He has also become very interested in the TV. His favorite shows are Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse and Transformers. Honestly, I think he likes anything on TV because of the movements. I can't stand it that he likes it so much because his head just turns that way no matter what we are doing or what is going on. Riley has also started paying a lot more attention to Hercules, the cat. I bet his little mind is just circling thinking how he can't wait to get a hold of Hercules' tail. Goodness, where does the time go??

Happy Easter!

Powpaw, Riley & Jeremy

How handsome can you get??

Riley and Mommy

My little bunny!

Hanging out with Daddy. Yes, almost naked.

At Granny's April the 5th

Well, Riley had his first Easter today. What a joyful day it has been. Today, I'm feeling more blessed than normal. Jeremy joined us in church today, which was great! Riley is always so good during singing or preaching. We rarely have to go to the nursery, but it happens. After church today, we took Powpaw Sharp to Cracker Barrel to eat. He had a great time with the grandkids I believe. When we got home, we changed Riley's clothes and opened his present from the Easter Bunny and did our own little egg hunt...of course Riley found the prize egg with some cash for his bank. The Easter Bunny brought him a glow worm to sleep with. I can't say if he likes it or not because all he wants to do is eat it. I think we have started the teething process. He has been a little more fussy this weekend and lots and lots of slobber and hand sucking are happening. He was such a joy today. One of the ladies in church took him up front with her during the chior singing and he was just looking around...I was back there in tears because of how awesome it felt to see my son up front in church. I know he can't sing and probably had no idea what was going on, but to be there and feel the arms of God around me assuring me that everything going on in our lives was going to be okay, well I just can't explain that. Riley truly is a blessing to us and seems to be to the ones around him. We start another week at work tomorrow and hopefully it will be better than the last. Riley has gotten into a habit of waking up sometime through the night during the week or nights when he has to go to the sitter the next day. I think he knows he isn't going to be with Mommy or Daddy and just wants that extra time with us. Jeremy thinks I'm crazy, but he doesn't do it on the weekends or when Jeremy isn't working. What a smart baby we have!

3 months old!

Where do I begin?? Three months have gone by so quickly. Before I know it, Riley will be crawling and wanting to do anything but cuddle with Moma. Just in the last month, he has grown so much and changed even more. He mastered rolling from belly to back and rolls to his side from his back. Just last week he turned around in his bed through the night. We put him in facing one way and the next morning he was turned the other direction!! I've convinced myself that Riley will not forget me while I'm gone to work. When I get home, his eyes just light up and he follows my every move. It frustrates Jeremy if he is feeding him when I get home because Riley won't stay still to eat and he moves and wiggles trying to see me. I love it! We've had some frustrating times since I returned work the last couple of weeks. It's been a big change for us all. Thankfully, I have supportive family and friends. The days where I have cried going to work have been few. One of my most favorite things this month was when Riley really learned to laugh out loud. He has laughed before by accident, but he does it now on purpose and it is the cutest thing ever. My Granny actually is the best person to get him to laugh. Popa said it is because he thinks she looks funny!! Not true!! We had our 3 month pictures taken Saturday and as soon as I have access to them online I will pass along the information. I just get so amazed at how much he has changed since I brought him home. He doesn't look like the same baby. Every day when I come home I look him over to see if anything changed through the day. Call it silly if you want, but I can't help myself. He truly is my world and I cannot imagine life without him and really can't see how we made before him. He has brought so many blessings our way just by being here. He is a very loved little boy and I hope that he always feels that way. I worried that I would feel our bond fade away after I went back to work, but it has gotten stronger. There are days when he is clingy to me when I get home. I assume because he missed me more that day. I don't know how to explain it, but the way he looks at me and into my eyes just melts my heart every time. People tried to explain what being "Mommy" was, but really they can't. No one can. It really is a once in a lifetime thing and the feeling is unbelievable.

We survived!

Well, Riley and I survived my first week back at work...or Riley did. Bless his heart, he didn't even act like he knew I was gone. I was proud of myself because I only cried Monday and Tuesday mornings. I did take a half day vacation on Friday for us to take Riley to get his picture made with the Easter Bunny! All week, I have just wanted to gobble him up when I get home and thankfully he was awake every day. So, we will begin our second week in the new journey of work.

The Mommy Blues....

Okay, if you're noticing the time of the blog...yes, it is 4:30 in the morning. I cannot sleep!! I have been up since about 2:45 and finally said the heck with it and got up to get some cereal and pay some bills. My mind is racing in a thousand different directions as this is my last week home with Riley. I'm more scared about leaving him to go back to work than I was to go through labor and become a mother. He has added about another hour to an hour and half to his sleep and won't rise until 5:30 or 6:00 to get the day going. I can see a nap in my future for Monday. It's really funny actually that I'm so terrified of leaving him. We have two offers of close trust worthy friends to keep Riley while we work and not put him in daycare, but still....I wonder are they good enough?? Of course no one is going to meet my standards for caring for Riley. I don't even meet my own standards, how could anyone else? I tell myself all of the time that I could do better at this or that. Riley never misses a beat and reacts like Jeremy and I are the best parents. Just the other day I made the comment that he really doesn't cry that much except if he has a dirty diaper, is hungry and is fighting sleep...then he pitched a fit. Honestly though, I feel so blessed to have such a good baby. He was sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, only takes a pacifier a couple of times a week if that and allows Mommy many moments of being proud and few hectic ones. The way he responds to Jeremy and me is unreal. I've noticed he is much more vocal with us than anyone else. He does cute little things that remind me of each of us. He makes some of Jeremy's faces and when he sleeps his hands are in a fist, which is a Mommy thing. I never noticed I did that sometimes until a week or so ago. Jeremy said I sleep with my eyes a little open sometimes and so does Riley, which is kinda creepy. I just told him it was because we had to keep an eye on him. :) I cannot express the emotion of being a mother. They always say your life changes when you have a baby and I can honestly say that this is one thing that has rang true of the tails of pregnancy. I rarely paid attention to the wait to this happens stuff or you're gonna have this or do this part of being pregnant and having a baby, but the changing of my life I kept a close eye on. Sometimes people change and never realize they do, but I have noticed the change in myself. The things that used to bother me don't anymore, I have new things to worry about and more important things. My priorities have certainly changed. I've come to accept that family matters can't stress me out, I have my own family now...Jeremy and Riley. When I go shopping, I automatically look for things for Riley instead of Jeremy and me. I also noticed that at the most hectic times, I seem to keep my cool a little easier now. That's a first and very hard for some people to believe. I've also been shown that no matter what, God is Head of My House and will be there when no one else is for my family and me. I know Riley is just a baby, but when he is fighting sleep I sing a classic of "Amazing Grace" to him and it does the trick every time. I don't know why I started singing that to him. One day when he was just a few weeks and having formula problems he wouldn't stop crying and I just started to sing. Of course, I CANNOT carry a tune, but he doesn't seem to mind. I do sing other songs to him too, but that one seems to be his favorite. He is going to be an outsider. We took him around the block again yesterday and he just made his little babble noises and looked around. I will put those pictures up later. I think I have a thousand pictures already and have filled almost 2 videos up. Still, I think I have missed something wonderful somewhere. I guess I should realize that I cannot capture every momemt and will certainly miss my share. I have cried more during this blog than the whole time I've been home with Riley. Whew! Jeremy is missing it and I'm sure he is fine in his little dreamy world in there. When Riley and I were on the mountain this weekend he got a treat. He got up Saturday morning for his first bottle and I let him sleep in the bed with me at Granny's until about 9:30. Okay okay, I know I shouldn't do that, but it was the first time and it was a good treat for Mommy too. Of course, Jeremy frowned at me when I told him, but hey....you just had to be there to see that sweet little face sleeping and breathing so lightly with my shirt held tightly in his hand. Well, I believe I've worn myself out babbling and boo hooing over this that I might get some sleep before I have to get back up for the day.