Okay, if you're noticing the time of the blog...yes, it is 4:30 in the morning. I cannot sleep!! I have been up since about 2:45 and finally said the heck with it and got up to get some cereal and pay some bills. My mind is racing in a thousand different directions as this is my last week home with Riley. I'm more scared about leaving him to go back to work than I was to go through labor and become a mother. He has added about another hour to an hour and half to his sleep and won't rise until 5:30 or 6:00 to get the day going. I can see a nap in my future for Monday. It's really funny actually that I'm so terrified of leaving him. We have two offers of close trust worthy friends to keep Riley while we work and not put him in daycare, but still....I wonder are they good enough?? Of course no one is going to meet my standards for caring for Riley. I don't even meet my own standards, how could anyone else? I tell myself all of the time that I could do better at this or that. Riley never misses a beat and reacts like Jeremy and I are the best parents. Just the other day I made the comment that he really doesn't cry that much except if he has a dirty diaper, is hungry and is fighting sleep...then he pitched a fit. Honestly though, I feel so blessed to have such a good baby. He was sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, only takes a pacifier a couple of times a week if that and allows Mommy many moments of being proud and few hectic ones. The way he responds to Jeremy and me is unreal. I've noticed he is much more vocal with us than anyone else. He does cute little things that remind me of each of us. He makes some of Jeremy's faces and when he sleeps his hands are in a fist, which is a Mommy thing. I never noticed I did that sometimes until a week or so ago. Jeremy said I sleep with my eyes a little open sometimes and so does Riley, which is kinda creepy. I just told him it was because we had to keep an eye on him. :) I cannot express the emotion of being a mother. They always say your life changes when you have a baby and I can honestly say that this is one thing that has rang true of the tails of pregnancy. I rarely paid attention to the wait to this happens stuff or you're gonna have this or do this part of being pregnant and having a baby, but the changing of my life I kept a close eye on. Sometimes people change and never realize they do, but I have noticed the change in myself. The things that used to bother me don't anymore, I have new things to worry about and more important things. My priorities have certainly changed. I've come to accept that family matters can't stress me out, I have my own family now...Jeremy and Riley. When I go shopping, I automatically look for things for Riley instead of Jeremy and me. I also noticed that at the most hectic times, I seem to keep my cool a little easier now. That's a first and very hard for some people to believe. I've also been shown that no matter what, God is Head of My House and will be there when no one else is for my family and me. I know Riley is just a baby, but when he is fighting sleep I sing a classic of "Amazing Grace" to him and it does the trick every time. I don't know why I started singing that to him. One day when he was just a few weeks and having formula problems he wouldn't stop crying and I just started to sing. Of course, I CANNOT carry a tune, but he doesn't seem to mind. I do sing other songs to him too, but that one seems to be his favorite. He is going to be an outsider. We took him around the block again yesterday and he just made his little babble noises and looked around. I will put those pictures up later. I think I have a thousand pictures already and have filled almost 2 videos up. Still, I think I have missed something wonderful somewhere. I guess I should realize that I cannot capture every momemt and will certainly miss my share. I have cried more during this blog than the whole time I've been home with Riley. Whew! Jeremy is missing it and I'm sure he is fine in his little dreamy world in there. When Riley and I were on the mountain this weekend he got a treat. He got up Saturday morning for his first bottle and I let him sleep in the bed with me at Granny's until about 9:30. Okay okay, I know I shouldn't do that, but it was the first time and it was a good treat for Mommy too. Of course, Jeremy frowned at me when I told him, but hey....you just had to be there to see that sweet little face sleeping and breathing so lightly with my shirt held tightly in his hand. Well, I believe I've worn myself out babbling and boo hooing over this that I might get some sleep before I have to get back up for the day.
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