Pumpkin Party

Well, Kaylee will be 3 on the 28th. I can't believe and I know Beth can't. She is growing up so fast, but as you can see she has the funnest birthday parties. The pumpkin painting party was a hit! Kudos to Beth for thinking of it. It puts a lot in perspective for me. Watching 20+ children run around and have a blast makes me wish more and more for Riley to be here.

It seems like yesterday I was on my way to the hospital to greet this little princess that belongs to my best friend. I didn't know that holding her those few moments would open my heart to her. Maybe I'm being partial, but if I'm faulty for that...oh well.

If one person takes to Riley this way, then I know he will always be okay and have support in not only family, but friends. You have those people in your lives that float in and out, but the ones that remain constant are the true blessings in life.

Have a wonderful birthday Kaylee!!

Well, I'd like to say I was blogging this morning to post pictures of Riley. Most of you know that Jeremy's Powpaw Keller passed away Saturday. He'd been battling prostate cancer for 5 years and lost that battle over the weekend. We are so thankful to have been given the time we had with him.

The last three weeks have been rough as things started to decline. The family took shifts to stay with him and the first week of October they brought him a hospital bed. He became very restless this last week and a half with anxiety and demencia. You have to over look those things and at times some of the things he would say seemed kinda funny.

Jeremy's night was on Thursdays to stay with Powpaw. I went over there for a visit and he was out on the porch. The first time in over a year and a half that he wanted to be outside other than to go to the doctor. When I was about to leave, he kept telling me that I could just stay and then he'd say I could come back in a few minutes. I tried to tell him that Jeremy said I needed beauty sleep, but his sweet answer was "No you don't. He doesn't know what he is talking about."

So I let him feel my belly for the first time to feel Riley and he hollared, "Come on boy!" He slept all through the night Thursday and was on the porch with Jeremy first thing Friday morning. Then in the early afternoon he drifted into a coma-like state with heavy breathing. So my official last conversation with him was Thursday, but I am so thankful that Jeremy was able to savor the last morning with him (awake and alert) on the porch.

We all said our goodbyes to him Friday as it was believed he wasn't going to make it though the night, but he held on for just a bit longer. The Hospice nurse was so wonderful during this time. I commend anyone who takes that field of work. She developed a fondness to Powpaw and you can tell she cared about him and us when she hugged us and cried right along.

All of the arrangements have been made and the next two days will be rough, but we all know he is in a better place and is no longer in pain. He is an angel to watch over us. One of the hardest things is knowing he will not get to meet his first great grandchild. My emotions are on overload due to the pregnancy, but it pains me to no extreme to see my husband breaking. He was okay on Sunday for the most part and will probably be okay today. Tomorrow for the funeral as in any case will be the toughest.

These things bring along an up and down rollar coaster. You are saddened for the loss, but relieved because he isn't hurting anymore. Is it normal to feel guilt on the portion of relief? I guess so. I've been up sinc a little after 5 this morning doing laundry and watching Father of the Bride....it's 6:30 now. I would love to be sleeping, but for whatever reason I haven't been able to get much for the last 5 days. I know, I know....nerves and stress. It's all a cycle that we know is going to happen, but by no means does it make it easier.

I just want to thank every one for their thoughts and prayers during this process. The arrangements are below.

Ralph Buckner Funeral Home in Cleveland, TN. 10-13-08 visitation for the family at 4 and the public from 5-8. The funeral will be on 10-14-08 at 2PM with the graveside at Sunset.

Riley's New Outfits

Okay, I know....I shouldn't keep buying stuff for Riley. These were too cute! Jeremy caught me on the phone with Beth and playing on the computer...so he decided to get a pic of the sweater. It is so soft! My favorite is the button down with the jeans...I bet he will be so handsome when he wears them! Only two days until our next 3-D...can't wait!!

***For those of you that get this via email....don't forget to click on the link "The Sharp Family" and see all of our post.***

Reality Check

Okay, so we went for our 6 month visit today. We had the so-called dreadful sugar test. Honestly, I loved it...I had a Fruit Punch flavor. It only took a minute to drink and didn't taste bad at all. I gained 4 pounds last month and LeeAnn said that Riley is now about 2 pounds!

We talked about pediatricians and other fun stuff. We started talking about what all is going to happen at the hospital...I'm so excited! We have to go back in 3 weeks and from that point we start going every 2 weeks. So....reality is sinking in that we don't have that much time left for just the two of us. We will soon have another person to take care of. It's frightening but exciting all at the same time.I cried most of the way to work after the visit. I know, what a wimp. It's weird. I miss and love him so much and he isn't even here yet. I'm even dreaming about him and finally the other night saw him in my dream. We will see if he actually looks like what I saw.

LeeAnn and I talked about me not having an epidural. So, she said she would request a jacuzzi room at the hospital in case I wanted to use it. I have a very open mind that I may not be able to do it without anything. I'm sure going to try my best! We are starting birthing classes on October 20th for 4 weeks on Monday nights. I'll let you know how we do.

Jeremy is already a "pro" at breathing techniques...so he thinks. If I could express how he does it in words, I would certainly try. It is the funniest thing ever, but I think it is cute. I know he will keep the excitement alive throughout the entire adventure. We also pre-registered at the hospital today. We go Friday for some more 3-D pics...I will post them as soon as I can!

Big Kicks

Okay, today has been a very beautiful day. Dacia and I attended the Team Building Activites at Red Clay State Park for work. The weather was great!

In the world of Riley, things were rather calm yesterday. I was a little concerned last night because he usually is very active before bed, but he was relaxing I guess. He has made up for it today. I'm thinking it was the cool air and Granny's homemade veggie soup and corn bread. He kicked like crazy after Jeremy and I ate tonight. It was the biggest and strongest kicks so far. I love it! It is so amazing to watch my stomach just bounce. I'm sure as the weeks and final months go by, the kicks will become more painful, but for now they are my joy and connection to my son.

I love it that Jeremy can visually see what I feel. We as women get to feel everything during a pregnancy. As a Daddy, they depend on us to help them bond with the baby before birth. It is the funniest thing to watch Jeremy watch my stomach. Then I start giggling and my belly moves making it hard to see the kicks. It is so hard not to get tickled when he kicks.

Okay, so am I crazy for going on and on about these mysterious movements of a baby?? If I am, then I am. These moments are the ones that keep my sanity in check from the worries of a normal day and our future of being parents. I'm so thankful for Beth getting me into the blog world. I have a private journal that will be just for Riley from me, but hopefully blogging can be my lifeline to friends and family that I don't see often.